In honor of Valentine's Day...
Do you remember your first love? I remember mine and the heartache that made me feel more alive than ever.
It was a boy I met while I was a sophmore at University of Southern Mississippi. He was nothing like any boy I had ever dated and I was facsinated with him. It was silly, premature and everything a first "love" should be. We met and started "dating" right before he left for a mission trip in Africa. He came home and broke my heart... basically crashed my world. I will never forget the pain that came the weeks after "losing" him. I had those moments that I didn't want to get out of bed and when I did, the moment my feet hit the ground, I broke into tears. The heartache felt like it would never go away. Now, six years later, I see how God was molding and changing me as person. I wasn't in control of my emotions and I struggled learning to be alone. This was at the same time as hurricane Katrina and my roommate had moved out and I, for the first time time in my life, felt truly alone. It was in those moments that God grabbed hold of me and my heart. I became a Christian in 1998 but have never had to rely on Christ as much as I did at that time and I had been through some crazy struggles before this.
God was preparing me to be alone. About 4 months after the relationship ended, I moved 8 hours away from home and all I knew to go to South Carolina and finish college at North Greenville University.
Now ponder this...
1. If I had never met him, I would have never met three amazing girls from South Carolina.
2. If I had never met him, I might have missed the blessing of learning to trust God with my whole heart.
3. If I had never met him, I would have never left Jones County.
4. If I had never met him, I would have never felt that heartache. Like I said, it made me realize how alive I was.
Most people don't have such a tragic first love story. And the whole reason I am even talking about this is because I was thinking about movie about love and songs that inspired me in my relationships.
The movie Little Manhattan is the sweetest movie that tells the story of your first love. It is heartwarming and makes me wish I lived in the city as a kid. I watched it all the time in college.
It was a boy I met while I was a sophmore at University of Southern Mississippi. He was nothing like any boy I had ever dated and I was facsinated with him. It was silly, premature and everything a first "love" should be. We met and started "dating" right before he left for a mission trip in Africa. He came home and broke my heart... basically crashed my world. I will never forget the pain that came the weeks after "losing" him. I had those moments that I didn't want to get out of bed and when I did, the moment my feet hit the ground, I broke into tears. The heartache felt like it would never go away. Now, six years later, I see how God was molding and changing me as person. I wasn't in control of my emotions and I struggled learning to be alone. This was at the same time as hurricane Katrina and my roommate had moved out and I, for the first time time in my life, felt truly alone. It was in those moments that God grabbed hold of me and my heart. I became a Christian in 1998 but have never had to rely on Christ as much as I did at that time and I had been through some crazy struggles before this.
God was preparing me to be alone. About 4 months after the relationship ended, I moved 8 hours away from home and all I knew to go to South Carolina and finish college at North Greenville University.
Now ponder this...
1. If I had never met him, I would have never met three amazing girls from South Carolina.
2. If I had never met him, I might have missed the blessing of learning to trust God with my whole heart.
3. If I had never met him, I would have never left Jones County.
4. If I had never met him, I would have never felt that heartache. Like I said, it made me realize how alive I was.
Most people don't have such a tragic first love story. And the whole reason I am even talking about this is because I was thinking about movie about love and songs that inspired me in my relationships.
The movie Little Manhattan is the sweetest movie that tells the story of your first love. It is heartwarming and makes me wish I lived in the city as a kid. I watched it all the time in college.
Here are a few songs that got me through my heartache and made me hopeful...
India Arie is amazing. This song was my secret anthem. Even during a stupid relationship in college that I knew was going no where I was listen to this song hoping my true love would come along.
John Mayer has always been my crush, but he has helped me through a lot of relationships. Slow dancing in a burning room was my last relationship before Cody. It's one of those that you know you shouldn't be in and you want out but for whatever reason you can't get rid of each other.
And this, my favorite song of all time. David Grey's This Years Love. It gave me hope. It stirs my soul even hearing it now. It was mine and Cody's first dance song. I love it that much. He knows how special it is to me. I would listen to this song many a nights crying and telling God what I wanted in a man.
Damien Rice - 9 Crimes - It is painfully beautiful. Just listen.
I asked Cody how I should end this post and he just glared at me in a "come hither, loving way" - I'm not sure what he means or how I should end it, but I guess I should "come hither" and make out with the best husband ever.
Happy V-day friends. Love.
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