Happy New Year... and a wave to 2010...

This year has been so memorable for me. I had a huge year. I got engaged and married to my best friend. I could never expected it to be so great and go by so fast. I learned so much about myself through the process. I had a lot of inner struggles figuring out who I am as a wife... things I'm still trying to figure out. God has been working in my life so much. Even though this has been the most amazing year, it has also been a valley. I think I've gone through every emotion this year. 

Happiness: Being with Cody is such a blessing. He makes me so happy. He knows how to cheer me up. He lets me be me and that is the best gift. I wouldn't change a moment in our relationship. Everything has been so smooth and carefree. We have never had to once question if this was right. I never doubted his love for me. I trust him with my life. I am so very thankful that I waited for him. My husband is the only one who knows my love in every way and I am so happy I can say that. He takes such good care of me. While I still struggle with being selfish, he hardly ever thinks twice before doing something for me. He is the best friend I could have ever asked for too. He is a great car dancer, shower singer and will break out into a dancing fool when the situation calls for it. He doesn't care what people thinks, he just is himself. He is my favorite "party favor" - people love him. He always takes time to get to know people. He is such a good person. I cannot say enough, obviously. I just love him more than life. 

Confusion: There has been a lot of confusion about my profession. I somehow lost my passion, drive, self assurance and doubt has set in. This is the valley. I am slowly but surely coming out of it. There was a lot of craziness at work and even though I feel like I made the wrong choice, I know God didn't and I'm where I am for a reason. I have met some wonderful women like Joy Bryant, Joan Crain and Dana Frost who have been blessings my life so much. In this time of confusion, God has spoke through them time and time again affirming His plans. Through everything I lost my way and feel away from the Lord but through these women I am finding my way back and my faith in myself and God. I hold onto Jeremiah 29:11 and know it's going to be OK!

Angry/Depression: I have started a new birth control pill that has not helped any situation that I have been in... minus the whole bedroom situations. I sometimes think having a child would be better than having my emotions thrown around like a rag doll while taking these stupid pills. While Cody and I agree that the pills are "romantic", they have proven to be very bad for my hormones. I get angry like the hulk and always seem to walk to punch Cody. And even though I have been able to resist hitting him or anything else, I really hate getting so angry over anything. I didn't realize until we were in Walmart one day and he called my name from another aisle and before I could get to him, he had called my name like 5 more times joking with me.... for whatever reason this completely set me off and before me got out of there I was in tears and so furious with him. This was the first time I realized it wasn't me, but the pills and my hormones having a good time at my expense. I also sleep a lot more. If I'm home alone, I find myself sinking into a lazy bum state. Even at Christmas I found myself going off by myself and not talking to anyone. I was sad b/c I wasn't home and apparently being sad while on birthcontrol just made me extremely depressed. I was having to talk myself out of the feelings. I knew I wasn't depressed but you couldn't have won that fight with the devil on my shoulder that night. I am a firm believer that you shouldn't let you emotions dictate how you live your life... get up, get moving and do something... but having something fighting against what you know is hard. I am finishing this month of birth control and we are splitting ways unless the doctor can tell me something else. I've tried the patch, the ring and pills now. Suggestions? 

Oh such a roller coaster, My family has been through a lot too. Mom is having her own struggles. We wish she was closer... well we wish everyone was closer to everyone. I wouldn't mind moving to Georgia to be in the middle. I love going home to MS but we're still so poor. We hope to save a lot more this year so traveling will be minimal besides our big trip in March to see Kayla and to Florida for Kari's wedding and see my new nephew, Braxton. Kayla broke her arm this year, she finally met Cody and we got to drink together. Ha. What a weird bonding time for us. Josh and Mary Lee found out they were pregnant with a boy!

Cody and I made a list today of goals for 2011 for us as couple. 

1. Save an emergency fund of 3 months

2. Pay off our credit cards

3. Do something for someone in need. 

4. Run a 5k, 10k and maybe a half marathon

5. Ask how each others day was and listen to the answer

6. Be cleaner. We've been pretty sloppy this year. 

My personal goals for 2011

1. Be more positive

2. Sit up straight

3. Be a better friend. This was a very selfish year for me. I need to put more effort into making and keeping friends. 

4. Stop buying clothes every month. 

5. Learn to cook healthier

6. Start eating fish

7. Get in a new bible study as participant - not as a leader ( I lead one at the beginning of the year bc they needed someone to host it, but I was in no place spiritually to do so. It wasn't benifical for anyone involved although I met some great girls. 

8. pray more. 

9. be more organized in my professional and personal life

10. stop thinking so much.

lots, I know. I have a lot to work on but it's all positive and I think I can do it. I hope everyone had a great new years night and has a great 2011. I look forward to making a life with Cody. Being married and having the struggles of a newlywed. It honestly makes me excited seeing the trials God puts up through. It'll be in those moments we end up changing and the stories we tell our kids about. 

Top 25 songs of our year.... via Cody's ipod

David Grey - Kathleen 

Avett Brothers - When I drink

Avett Brothers - January Wedding

Avett Brothers - Murder in City

Avett Brothers - Heart like a kick drum, 

Avett Brothers - Love like the movies, 

Avett Brothers - Slight figure of speech, 

Avett Brothers - Girl from Chili, 

Avett Brothers - Matrimony 

Avett Brothers - Traveling Song

Avett Brothers - It goes on and on

Avett Brothers - My last song to Jenny

Mumford and Sons - Awake my soul

Lucero - Ain't so lonely

Honey Honey - Give yourself to me

Honey Honey - Come on Home

Bruce Springsteen - Tramps like us

Bruce Springsteen - Working on the highway

Amos Lee - Botom of the Barrel 

Amos Lee - Keep it lose, Keep it tight

Amos Lee - Colors 

Jason Isbel and the four hundred unit - Street lights

Jason Isbel and the four hundred unit -In a Razor town

Seven Mile Island -  (i forgot the name of the song) 

Happy New Year, friends. We love you all. 

11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. 12 I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live. 13 That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil—this is the gift of God. 14 I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that men will revere him. Ecclesiastes 3